Wednesday, 29 June 2011

No I Don't Want to Give You A Kiss...

I have worked many jobs in my short time on this realm of consciousness. I have pumped petrol (or gas for those overseas) and milked cows. I have picked blueberries and I have worked in all types of retail. The reason I mention this is because I can truly say that middle aged men are pretty skeezy* no matter the job.

I say this because today, for example, I was serving this customer at the front of store and I'd asked him if there was anything else he needed. Slowly, he glanced back over his shoulder to make sure there was no one close by before leaning in close, turning his head to one side and saying; "Couldn't give us a kiss, love?"
I responded with a slight smile and waited till he'd had a good laugh and disappeared out of the store before I rolled my eyes and slumped back on the wall.

However, this is nothing compared to the guy who tried to show me porn on the shop computers because "he's been around a long time and knows what women want." I'm completely serious. This was while I was in London and this guy came up asking for a book. At first I thought he was just your regular customer but then he starts leaning in and I realise that he has a certain pungant smell emanating from that is all too familiar if you've grown up in the country in anywhere near my home town.

Anyway, he suddenly realises that we have access to the internet on our search computers at the counter (which I haven't encountered in any other store, by the way). He suddenly waggles his eyebrows at me in what, I assume, is supposed to be a suggestive manner and he grabs a slip of paper and writes down this website before telling me to look at it now. Now, I don't know if it was because he was smoking something special that night but the website was obviously NSFW, even I could tell that. Then there was the fact that he said something about the artistic merits of the female form, though nowhere as eloquent as that.

Now, I have nothing against porn...well, most kinds, but I do object to skeezy guys lounging on the counter in my work space trying to get me to look up porn for their perverted amusement. I also object to him assuming to know what I want.

My next favourite moment of adult male skeeziness is when I was working in a call centre. I don't know what it is about my voice on the phone that gets men excited but apparently I have a sexy phone voice. ** Anyway, as is my custom, I always ask the customer if there is anything else I can do for them while I have them on the phone. Most of the time people say no and hang up but, every so often, there would be one guy (and it's always a guy) who will say something like this:

"What time do you get off work? I need a massage." (Said normally in a creepy stalker tone.) Or:
"How much do you charge for the hour?" (Said in an equally creepy tone)

I'm guessing it has something to do with the anonymity of being on the phone that people get carried away unless it's just me that his happens to? Please tell me it's not just me? But what really confuses me is that they have no idea what I look like. For all they know I could be some giant hairy guy named Herman. ***

Anyway, I wonder if guys have the same problem with middle aged women hitting on them? And, if you do, do you feel flattered by it?

Well, that's all for tonight. I've got to play some Wii and read my new book Robopocalypse. If any of you have read it tell me if you liked it.

*Is that even a word? It's highlighted in yellow so I'm guessing no. Too bad because it has a nice ring to it.
** I have thought that if I get desperate enough I could work as a phone sex worker...thankfully I haven't gotten that desperate...yet...
*** I'm not...well, at least I wasn't last time I checked.


  1. Bahahahahahahaha.

    It's not just middle aged men, I think it just seems like it because of the baby-boomer bulge (pun totally intended..tee hee bulge.)

    I went out on Saturday and one guy tried to put 5 bucks in my bra, like I was some kind of stripper. I wouldn't have been offended if I was wearing my usual low cut tops but I had specifically chosen something modest because I'm tried of being the "girl with the boobs"

  2. I'm so glad it's not just me. I feel like I need to cover myself up at all times but then it just looks bad...:o)

  3. I would love to hear your voice ;) followed

  4. Lol. Well if I ever start working for a sex phone thing I'll advertise on here...;)

  5. Wherever you go there's always going to be some jerks. Guys are pretty sleezy. Glad you have a good sense of humor about it.

  6. Who actually says, "give us a kiss?" Does he have multiple personalities or what? And if so, does one kiss cut it or are we looking at 3 kisses?

  7. i'd be more worried about "pungant" if i were you.

    @A Beer for the Shower showing your american ignorance there, i'm afraid.

  8. Men are dogs. Just something that us non dogs have to live with and try our best to break the mold.

  9. Your comments are making my day even better. Thanks to you all. :)