Why Essay Writing Sucks...

WARNING: This is partially true but some scenes have been dramatised.

I enjoy writing essays. I didn't while I was at High School but once I got to university...well my writing developed in leaps and bounds. It helped that I was able to spend more time focusing on the things and ideas that I actually liked. Now that I am back in school, but in a teaching position, I realise that teaching how to write an essay to a class of 25 kids who want to be anywhere else is difficult. In fact, it down right sucks.

Now, imagine if you will, that five of the students are actually listening to you. Six are drawing random pictures on their paper. Four don't actually have paper, of those four three don't have pens. Three really don't want to be there. Two are late and five are talking...constantly. Without yelling and making sure that everyone understands, you have to inform them that they have 40 minutes to write an essay on a book that they studied two teachers ago.

First, you repeat yourself. Eight times ought to do it but be prepared to repeat yourself to individuals who were too busy reapplying their chap stick or making sure that their hair is just right. While you are doing this be prepared to hear the wee duckings begin cheeping away:

"Miss."
"I'll be right with you."
"Miss."
"I am with another student. Please be patient."
"Miss you're not helping me. Why aren't you helping me..." (This part is usually said in a whine.)

Then you refer the students back to the handouts that you gave out two lessons ago only to find that five still have them the rest have either forgotten them, turned them into paper planes or started eating them.* After handing out the spares you copied before the lesson you also remind them of the PEEL structure that they have been taught all term. All term!

After they have started working in relative silence you walk around the classroom in an attempt to see how they are doing only to be stopped three times by students who have forgotten what they're supposed to be doing. Help those students while stopping the one kid who wants to go for a wander.

Move two students away from each other to stop them talking about Justin Freaking Bieber or dubstep. Remind another student that they are not allowed to eat in class. Ignore the snickering coming from those students who haven't been caught yet. Get more paper for the student who has suddenly decided that they want to work today.

All the while you are secretly praying (even if you don't believe in the flying spaghetti monster) that the HOD or Principal or any senior management person does not choose that time to walk past. 

By the end of the lesson after forty more "Miss's" you will find two students who have done nothing. You may get five essays that are really good. Ten that have tried and are pretty decent and the rest...they will come to you in varying stages of doodles (normally of bad graffitti or rude images) or on something not related to anything you've taught them.

And this is why essay writing sucks**

*I am serious. I have one student who eats paper when they get bored.
**It doesn't really. Well, I don't think it does...my students may beg to differ.

Things that I am...

I am human. I do the whole bleeding thing when I am pricked. (No dirty pun intended...)

I am female. I can do the whole reproduction thing if I so choose.

I am a sister. Which means that I am the only one who is allowed to love and hate my sister at the same time. (Well maybe not the only one...)

I am a daughter. I can call my dad 'daddy' just for laughs, never for money. I can wear my emotions plainly around my mother.

I am a friend. This means that I have your back. Always. Even if I think you're being an idiot and a jerk I'll still have your back until you give up on me, not the other way round.

I am a nerd/geek/dork. I can argue the benefits of being an intergalactic smuggler with a heart of gold and I get things such as 'you're killing me, Smalls' typed on a tee shirt. Or 'Schrodinger's Cat, wanted Dead & Alive.'

This list can go on and on. I don't even know what prompted me to write it beside the fact that I was thinking late last night after playing a round of Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles on the Wii and wishing I had an Xbox. (Or a Playstation - I'm not gamist.) What that has to do with me listing what I am I have no idea.

Well, I guess I could say that these ideas come from me finishing my first term of teaching. There were some amazing highs and twice the amount of lows. At least once a week I would come home feeling utterly defeated. Now, I may not have battled full on depression but I have moments where I feel life is so utterly pointless and having those once a week because of something a student did or didn't do was hard.

What was even harder was the fact that many of these students have no real identity, idea or clue as to who they are and what they're capable of. They laugh at me for being a geek (which I don't give a frak about because I am a geek.) and then they tease someone else for being different when all I can see are a bunch of young minds going to waste because they cannot see what is in front of them.

Oh, and the language, please don't get me started on the language. I swear occasionally but it isn't my second language, nor is it my third. But the way that some of these kids talk...it's disgusting.

But I am going back next term. And, for most of them, it will be the first time that they've had the same English teacher for two terms in a row. I have a lot of things that I could say about that but I am a semi-logical person and I realise that there is no point. I can't change what has happened to them I can only try to change what will.

And, to end on a lighter note, I have been listening to this amazing talent for the last two days and thought I would share.

And this:

Hope you enjoy and hope you are having a good weekend.

When I yell I sound like...

...A cat being strangled. It isn't fun to listen to and it sure isn't fun to do but that is beside the point.

Today I'd like to do a little segment called 'Things I've Learned'. For those of you playing at home the simple rules are to list things (normally obvious things) that you have learned recently. So, here goes my list for today.

1. When filling up the car either enter a set amount or make sure you read the right gauge while free-filling. In other words, litres are different to dollars. I stupidly thought I was reading the dollar sign and stopped when it got to 30. Oddly enough, it was the litres sign. $61.77 dollars later. 
2. Teenagers are a lot more naive in some contexts than they are in others. In other words - yes, teachers understand pig Latin and, no, you cannot swear in pig Latin. 
3. When setting the electric fence, make sure it's off before you move it. (This also applies to peeing on an electric fence...no mean feat for a female...)
4. When trying on clothes, ensure the door is shut, latched, barricaded - just to avoid any mishaps. 
5. When teaching - if you've lost the lesson plan...fake it. 

Anyway, my weekend was hectic but I did manage to watch Sunday on TV1 which was all about 9/11 ( 11.09 depending on where you live in the world.) As I sat there watching the familiar scenes I found myself feeling upset that people have the capability to hurt each other that way. There is no excuse for that.

I have always tried to see the good in people. Admittedly, for some people their 'good' might be buried a little deeper than usual. Yet, I find it terrible that we have the ability to inflict pain in so many different ways. I know that there are people out there who see the world in black and white and that is part of the reason I went into teaching - to challenge people to think differently.

Sorry, that got a little heavy. What I mean to say is that my heart goes out to every person who has lost someone they love - be it on 9/11 or  any time.

I'm babbling. So to curb my written diarrhea I shall finish here.

Hope everyone had a super weekend. I'm off to mark some essays.

Big words...yeah, but nah...

"Miss, do you use big words because it makes you sound intelligent?"

This is an honest quote from one of my students, bless them. My reply was this:

"I use profound words that appeal to my innate love of the English language."

After the baffled looks I responded:

"I use big words because I am intelligent." *

And reading that makes me seem like some giant know-it-all with a superiority complex. I can assure you, dear readers, that I am neither. I quickly followed it up with something about how I love reading and I love words so why shouldn't I use big words or different words. Then I tried to explain that it is better to have a lot of words in your mind because you never know when they may come in handy. They seemed satisfied with that but it got me to thinking...why do people think using words that may not be overly common makes one appear more intelligent?

I was reminded of a poem I saw by Taylor Mali where he said something about how he never uses the words 'um', 'uh', and there were a couple of others that I can't quite recall but his reasoning behind it was very interesting and I feel as if I have begun incorporating it into my normal conversations. I have found it difficult because you suddenly become aware of how often you actually use those words but it is also interesting to notice how many people actually do use those little words. Here's the link to it because it really is brilliant. Click here

Plus, I am an English teacher now so I should be allowed to use momentous words around my dear wee students. If I don't encourage them to foster a love of words who will? I swear, trying to get them to read is a job in itself.

Insert tangent here: I saw Cowboys vs Aliens last night. It was bloody weird and, as my father so aptly put it, it was as if the director was making a pizza and just couldn't stop adding toppings. It was a fun movie, don't get me wrong, but it seems as if it would have been more enjoyable had I been in a crowd of like minded people. I had to bite my tongue far to often to stop myself from shouting out "There can be only one" or "Dr Jones?" or even "Shaken, not stirred." Though I do believe I heard someone humming the Indiana Jones theme behind me.



*I actually think my proper response was, I use big words because I know how to use them but I can't be sure.

Mid Week Ramblings...

Kids have germs. These germs are passed to teachers who then pass them to me. This is a cycle of pure evilness coloured with a tinge of irony...

So, I'm halfway through my second week of teaching and I still have grip on the remnants of my sanity. Well, at least I haven't started pulling my hair out. It's an interesting job with a variety of challenges that I really did not expect. I'm constantly tired which, I'm told, is normal. I often find myself feeling sorry for some of my students - not in a pitying way just generally sorry for the environment that they have grown up in. And, I have been finding my students can be freaking hilarious when they are not trying my patience.

A perfect example was in one of my younger classes (I teach at high school level) where one student had moved from his desk and was making random animal noises. Even though it was annoying and I had to keep telling him to settle it was also hilarious. I would never have thought of something like that.

Unfortunately, I feel that the current education system does not do them any favours. This may sound harsh but I feel that the current system does not promote creativity, multiple intelligence or intelligence in general. But I won't go into any further detail regarding that.

Anyway, I shall leave you with a poem from one of my favourite poets. No, it's not Coleridge or Keats, though they are both great...instead it is Taylor Mali - a teacher from America who does a lot of performance poetry/slam poetry.

I hope you find inspiration from this like I have.

One Week Down...

 I survived my first week as a high school teacher. I didn't cry or scream. I didn't bang my head against a wall (although there were a couple of moments where I thought I was going too.) I managed not to blush or look embarrassed while watching awkward scenes in American History X* so it may be that my maturity level is a little higher than I thought.

So, in an attempt to disprove that last thought I give you Dean (Jensen Ackles) lip synching 'Eye of the Tiger' by Survivor, because who doesn't need a little eye candy while winding down from a long week at work.

Anyway, it's Friday over here and, even though there are freaking lambs crying out near the shed, I have a load of work to do and I have no alcohol nearby I am relatively content. If I am quite honest I haven't felt content in a long time but this is due to many reasons, most of which I won't get into because you don't read my blog to hear me moan about my health and lack of a life...well maybe the second one because who doesn't like making fun of the person with no social life on a Friday night.**

And now I'm thinking of things that would make this post so awesome that your eyes pop out of their sockets in amazement at my rapier sharp wit and my ability to recite Coleridge's Christabel or Keat's Ode to a Grecian Urn. Or maybe you're more into slam poetry in which case I'd have you watch this:

I showed this to my junior classes and their looks ranged from mild interest to utter confusion. I am determined to introduce all my students to so many different forms of literature whether they like it or not and if one, just one, student comes up to me in a years time or ten years time and tells me that I changed their view on writing, reading and all things literature based...well...that's all I feel you can ask for in being a teacher.

And, on that note, I'm going to wander around my house and pretend to clean and maybe, just maybe, I'll be daring and have a nice cup of coffee late in the evening even though I know it will keep me up all night and I might even throw in a piece of caramel slice...(I know you're all jealous of my daring...)

*It's the film that our seniors are watching though they have the empathy of a turnip. 
**Unless playing Just Dance 2 on the Wii by yourself counts as a social life...it doesn't...balls. It's probably a good thing that I have no alcohol near by then, isn't it.

Of duelling banjos and other oddities...

This is going to be a rather erratic and random post. It's hump day here in good old New Zealand and I'm am halfway through my first week of teaching. I am tired and I am sore. My voice is hoarse, my brain has shifted into neutral and I have the following tune stuck in my head due to my father:

Yes - that is the iconic song from the just as iconic film Deliverance. If you haven't seen it I do recommend it, though males beware. If you've seen it you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, the above clip really gets going about half way through - it's some mighty fine banjo playing.

And, even though I can't get that bloody song out of my head and I am panicking about a few of my students I find myself enjoying the challenge. I'm sure it will get old very quickly but so far I seem to be dealing. Even if I am getting up at four in the morning to laminate stuff. Surprisingly, laminating is very calming. Very calming. Who would have thought that melting stuff to other stuff would have that reaction?

Also, I never thought I would get tired of my own voice but I am. I am tired of repeating myself three times in a row but I keep doing it. And there is only so many times that you can say 'quiet guys' or 'pens down, eyes to the front' before you feel mental. Well, more mental in my case.

Oh, The Walking Dead is on tonight as well, so that's something to look forward to. Though I have to admit, I am so freaking knackered that I might fall asleep before it even starts.

I don't like apologising for bad posts but I really am rather exhausted today and I have a wee bit of stuff to do. I guarantee that Friday's post will be amazeballs...

Five Things I Learned Today...

I survived my first day of teaching - when I survive the week I'm having a double shot of whisky...* In surviving my first day I have decided to write five things that I learned today.

One - Period five is not a lesson where anything gets learned. Period five is too bloody close to home time for the students to give a rats arse about metaphors, alliteration, rhetorical questions or anything like that. Period five is good for driving a teacher a little batty...

Two - You can plan a lesson to the most finest of details and, on paper, it can look so awesome that it nearly burns your retinas with the levels of awesome it entails but that doesn't matter if your students don't care. If they don't want to learn about film techniques at that precise moment all you can do is cajole and stress the importance of education. (Basically, be flexible in your planning and have a million back ups.)

Three -Try not to get involved in pointless arguments. Example:
Me: Okay class, I'm sending out letters this week to inform your parents...
Student: I get my mail miss so I won't give it to my dad.
Me: (stupidly) I can always phone.
Student: My dad doesn't have a phone miss. (Sniggers)
Me: (Even more stupidly) Well I can always drop by your house and visit.
Student: My dad lives in the street miss.
Me: ...

Four - Girls and boys should be kept separate at all times in (and possibly outside) the classroom. Excessive groping and leering does not aid in getting class work done.

Five - When students actually get what you are saying it makes everything worth it. (Well, today it did!)

*It wasn't that bad, really. I promise.

P.S. I am so bloody knackered that I want to curl up and sleep right now but I was determined to blog because if I don't do some form of writing my head may explode...

Strangely Serious Post - Bullying

I've been trying to write a blog post for a good part of this morning and a little of this afternoon but, for some strange reason, my brain has stalled. Normally I have no shortage of things I want to talk about and I will prattle on about them forever if you let me but today my mind appears curiously blank. So, in an attempt to have something to write about I have prepared a list of topics and chucked them into a hat...here goes...today's topic is:

Bullying.

Well, this is an interesting topic and one that I am quite familiar with. One doesn't go through high school with glasses, braces and an unhealthy obsession with Star Wars and not get bullied. Add to that my cleft lip and palate and you have almost perfect bully bait.*

Bullying has been in the news on an increasingly regular basis as of late and I feel, going into high school to teach, that it is something that I will be constantly on the look out for.

I endured the normal taunting and teasing from primary school age onwards but at high school I learned how bad bullying can get. I got punched a couple of times and pushed down stairs occasionally until I learned how to hide or avoid certain places at certain times. The worst incident that comes to mind, however, was when I was politely informed that there was a hole in the back of my trousers - this hole, it turns out, was cause by a rather sharp pair of scissors. The reason I say that this was the worst was mainly due to embarrassment and at the cheek of the whole thing.** No one likes showing their underwear off at the age of thirteen. Plus these were brand new trousers and they had cost my parents a fair bit of money. School uniforms - evil but understandable.

Through all of this I was told the things that you normally tell children to do when they are confronted by a bully. You know, ignore it, report it to a teacher and so on. Sometimes these things work but a lot of the time they don't. I wish there was a sure fire way to stop bullies in their tracks. I also wish I could say that people grow out of being bullies but all you have to do is look at any office and you will find, at least, one bully.

I don't like people who bully - especially those people who bully those who look slightly different etc. I still see it in my various jobs and I'm always surprised at the people who are the bullies. It makes me angry and sad to think that there are people out there who seem to lack empathy though whether that is the case is another matter entirely. At the same time I guess I have to thank my bullies because I am a stronger person because of it. I truly think that there are three main options open to those who are or have been bullied.

First, they become bullies themselves. (I'm pretty sure I didn't take this path.)
Or, second, they slowly fade away from all the hurt and suffering and then they do whatever they can to escape. (For awhile I feel I might have been on this path)
Or third, they become stronger and better people. (This is me...I hope.)

As to stopping bullies. I know that a lot of schools now have a 'zero-tolerance' stance in place but this will only work if the bullying is reported. I also know that some students are being encouraged to fight back. This will work sometimes and other times it won't. Bullying really is a tricky thing. You don't want to encourage it and you definitely don't want to ignore it so it is a very hard thing to control or stop. Add to that the gender differences in the approach to bullying. Though, with that being said, girls are turning to more violent acts as well. Our local rag did an article on 'swarming' where gangs of girls roam around at night looking for someone to bully or attack. Once they choose their victim they swarm around her and then beat her up.

This might make me sound old or naive but I would never have even thought about something like that when I was at school. Heck, I was always about the education so I could escape this town.***

I'd be interested in your ideas. Were you bullied? What did you do about it? Has it made you a 'better' person?

P.S. Just for your own information - I actually ran into a couple of the people who used to bully me at school. They were incredibly nice to me now but I couldn't help but notice that they look a lot older than me. And rather haggard to boot. Although I could view this as just desserts in all reality, I don't really care about them. I gave them too much of my worry while I was at school.

*Something about that sounds really wrong.
** Puns intended.
***Oddly enough I'm back at this town and about to start teaching at my old high school. Insanity, like noses, run in my family.

Casper...the car who craps out a lot.

I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. I laughed, I cried and I vaguely enjoyed.

There will be no spoilers from me since I prefer the books over the movies one hundred billion million times. It was the end of an era in a way but that is that. I enjoyed it enough to want to own it on DVD and, probably because it has an ending, it was one of my favourites out of all of them.*

Onto other more random news. I drive. I drive a rather crappy and somewhat unreliable Nissan Pulsar. Casper, as he is named, serves me well at getting from point A to point B on most days. However, on chilly mornings like today he occasionally has ice issues.

What happens is that I'll be cruising along and suddenly a small internal part will freeze and my car will suddenly lose all power. I will have my foot ramming the accelerator but nothing will happen. Actually, something will happen...Casper will get progressively more slow until I have to pull over and turn him off and on.** Normally, that only happens once and he's fine but this morning was a different matter.

So, here I am, driving to a different school since it is a teacher's only day and all the English Departments from the local schools are having a meeting together, when my car does its little dying thing. This is fine until it decides to do it a second time, which results in me calling it varying names which I will not repeat here.

Casper decides to work after this. I'm not under the belief that my threats and growls made him ashamed of his behaviour but he did work. Unfortunately, this is not the first time that Casper has decided to mess with my mind. There was the time that he broke down on my birthday last year and I had to drive my mum's car (whom I call Hank) to Hamilton with no music. No fun.

Then there was the time that I broke down on forty minutes from home but in an area with no mobile reception. Luckily I managed to fix it myself, all MacGyver like in my skills. There are many other tales I can add and I can hear you asking, why don't I buy a new car? Well, the simple answer is that Casper works well enough for me at the moment. The other answer is I'm rather broke and a new car just isn't in the budget at the moment...plus Casper is, nearly, my first car.

Anyway, it's Friday afternoon and I think I'm going to play with my Wii...*** Until Monday, my dear readers, take care and have a great weekend.

*My real favourite, both in novel and movie form, is always going to be Prisoner of Azkaban. But that is neither her nor there.
** Read into that however you want.
*** Seriously, that never gets old.

That's Miss* to you...

I have, now, officially finished my old job and have begun intergrating myself at the school where I will be terrorising...ahem...teaching young minds and moulding them for the future.

I am of two minds at this career choice at present. My main state is one of fear mixed with a dollop of excitement. (Actually, flip that, reverse it.) I am excited to see how I do and whether I am one of those teachers that does a good job at actually helping her students, you know. As long as I'm not one of those "I'm gonna yell at you until either you comply to my will or I pass out..." type of teacher.

On the other hand, I'm terrified that I will break children. Not as in physically break cause, let's face it, I'm weaker than non-alcoholic beer. But I don't want to traumatise too many children. I'm thinking minimum causalities are a must, if you get my ramblings. I just remember my days at high school and I don't want to be like the teachers that I hated.

On a random train of thought - I now find myself having to acquire semi-casual attire as I make the transition from student/bookseller into teacher. Whereas the bookstore had a uniform of black and school just had any old clothes you like teaching has slightly different standards. So I must, reluctantly, put away the witty tee's with allusions to Dr Who, BSG and surviving the zombie apocalypse and start shopping for clothes that don't reveal too much cleavage** or tattoos, not that I have many of those.

I'm still going to keep my converse sneakers, though. My feet maybe small but they're fat little bastards and all those fancy schmancy women's shoes hurt them.

I have a couple of questions for you, dear readers, to make this blog more interactive...and because I'm lazy today.

Question 1: What was/is your favourite subject at high school?
Question 2: What do/did teachers do to make learning more fun for you?

*Actually it's Ms but it looks weird out of context
** Apparently boys are distracted by cleavage...who knew.