On technological idols and my thoughts on stuff...

I don't have a MacBook Pro, though I would kinda like one. Why? I'm not entirely sure. Maybe it's the smooth and clever marketing that has slowly warped my brain. Maybe it's due to their rumoured reliability. Or it could just be due to friends recommendations. I do, however, own an iPod - his name is Fred. Fred has been a reliable companion to me through many flights, fights, tears, fears and cleaning spurts in the middle of the night.

So, as you all probably know by now, Steve Jobs died today. Now, I know that people die every day. I know that there are people out there whose good deeds, strength and character go unnoticed. I know that there are people out there who lay down their lives for others. I know that there are people battling cancer every single day. Still, I found myself feeling sad that he had died.

Mr. Jobs worked hard. He worked wisely. And he profited from it. In a business minded sense he was one smart man.* And, whether you like him or not, you have to admire what he has done for technology. (Yes, I know he is the figurehead yadda yadda yadda but without him would we really have all the technology that we do? I mean, think of the hipsters...) Anyway, my thoughts are with his family...in fact, my thoughts are with anyone grieving the loss of anyone.

After that rather morbid beginning I feel somewhat drained. I do, however, want to end on a happier note. I am sending a big thank you to everyone who has been leaving me words of encouragement regarding my attempts at teaching. You may not know it but your words cheer me up immensely. We may never have met but I feel...I want to say blessed but that sounds a wee bit presumptuous so I will say I feel lucky to have people say such lovely things to me.

Well, I will attempt a better update in the next few days. Take care all and may the force be with you.**


*Let it be known that I actually have a very shallow understanding of anything business related. I often
struggle trying to fill in tax forms so understanding marketing and that is somewhat foreign to me.
** Sorry, needed to geek up the post a little bit...also, I'm watching Thor ... and I'm really rather enjoying it.***
***Is anyone still reading these? ::*::waves::*:: hi

Dental dilemmas and me being a role model?

I went to the dentist last week where I paid $23 dollars per minute to have my retainer cemented back into place. This was a process that took all of ten minutes. Ten frakking minutes. It was like someone raped my bank account. And, to top it off, the dentist (who was not my normal dentist, by the way, and reeked of cheap cologne) informed me that I probably don't need my retainer anymore and that I should contact my orthodontist to see whether I need it or not. He told me after he'd already done the work, of course.

Plus, he also used me as a teaching tool for his new dental assistant. Mainly due to my cleft palate, which, he also informed me, was rather inflamed. (My palate, that is.) It was at this point I felt like saying, 'no shit, Sherlock' but since he had stuffed my mouth full of cotton pads and had a metal spike thing in my mouth I thought it might be a bad idea.

Anyway, I am used to being used as a teaching tool. Especially for new mothers of children with cleft lips and palates. Apparently, many of my nurses and doctors think that I am a good role model for these young children. You can insert your gaffuws of laughter here...me...a role model...yeah I'm laughing as well but the minute that those mothers come up to you with their wee sprogs, all bundled up after their first bout of surgery my heart (shrivelled as it may be) grows a little and I do my best to make them feel at ease. I repress as much of my nerdy side as possible and suddenly find myself transformed into 'an adult'. I smile at them, sincerely even, and tell them everything is going to be okay. Though, I do warn them that kids are cruel little bastards and they better be ready to support them through the worst of times and the best of times.

Well, that was a random tangent there. Which leads me onto another random story from my youth. As per course of being born with a cleft lip and palate I had to undergo a lot of speech therapy though all I remember of this is blowing paint through a straw and telling the therapist some story about dolls being raped by the boogey man as I played with the dolls and the spastic doll house.* This was all tested by my plastic surgeon getting me to read stories out loud so he and his med students could see how clearly I could speak and all that.

Normally, he picked the books so I found myself reading about how a cat with a hat terrified two kids with all sorts of insanity. ** Except for one time when I had a book of my own. Now, my memory might be a bit hazy but I seem to recall it being a Stephen King book (which was the norm for me at that stage) and I asked if I could read a passage from it instead. I'm pretty sure I found the most expletive leaden excerpt from that book and read that aloud in a clear and concise way. I can't recall who was more shocked, my parents or the med students. My plastic surgeon didn't even bat an eyelid. Then again, I later found out he does surgery not just on people's faces but on women's vagina's as well. I just hoped he washed his hands thoroughly before he operated on me...

So, my rebellions may have been small but they were still rebellions. "Damn the man, save the Empire!"

On that note I shall be gone. It's my mum's birthday today and I was up early making her a cupcake cake.

What do you think? Do I get the award of best daughter ever?

*It was made out of two shoe boxes if I remember correctly and the dolls looked like rejects from a mental hospital. You know, hair roughly cut off turning female Barbie into Butch Barbie...
** I love Dr Seuss but when you're sixteen, reading that aloud is kind of strange

In which I talk about self esteem and me...

I'm never going to be a model, super or otherwise. I'm too quirky in looks and attitude. I have freckles...lots of the little blighters. I'm rather on the short side. I have hair that, if I'm not careful, makes me look like I've electrocuted myself and, no matter how much I exercise I still seem to stay the same curvy shape. I'm better than I was after living in the UK where a steady diet of fast food had my weight rocketing sky high and my self esteem falling into a crater somewhere. After a reality check that I gave myself I joined a gym and the excess weight started to drop off. I've still got a little way to go but I eat healthy, exercise daily and try to boost my confidence in small ways.

But, for the longest time, I felt confused. You see, we are bombarded with all these images of what a real woman is supposed to look like. She's supposed to have this colour hair or these coloured eyes or this build and so on. She was always to wear make up, and if she didn't have the latest fashions she wasn't cool. And, I'm pretty sure it is the same for guys.

I admit, I went through a stage where I bought the Cosmo magazine. I actually feel ashamed that I spent three months buying a magazine that is actually a poor example of reading material. Oh, wait, I do recall that there were actually a couple of articles that dealt with things such as Female Genital Mutilation and rape but all of that was hidden amongst adds for getting longer lashes, getting a smoking hot body or how to please a guy with seven moves. You know what I mean - it was always in that sealed section that you opened feeling slightly naughty.

But, over the last few years, I've had a bit of a wake up call. Nothing dramatic, mind you, just little things that I've noticed that made me re-think a lot of things. You see, I was born with a cleft lip and palate. This is something that people who meet me for the first time may notice. They may not know what it is but they may see the tell tale scars, or the fact that my nose is a little crooked. What they may not know is that I have had over fifteen surgeries to 'correct' that. (Plus four or five others due to me being rather klutzy) I've had braces, which I was actually proud of. I've had my jaw broken twice and I've been traumatised by clowns. I've had people call me names and worse, which, looking back on it, is rather silly because my problems were no worse or better than any of theirs, I just looked a little different.

For a long time, I hid behind this, not thinking that having this made me who I am, just like having blue eyes and blond hair makes my sister my sister, you know. When I see my scars I no longer see a reminder of pain but I see another of my quirks. I see the skill of the surgeon who was able to do what he did. I see the patience of my parents who drove me four hours, both ways, to have these surgeries and appointments. I also see me - and some days I like what I see and others I don't but, when those days get rather, um, yuck I make a list of things that I like - not necessarily about me but what I like in general. Or I listen to some great music and rock out like a loon. 

So, I may never grace the pages of any fancy magazines and I will probably not be seen walking down a cat walk any time soon. (Which is a good think because I have this tendency to trip over my own feet cause I'm often day dreaming far too much.) So what. Just because I'm not petite or graceful or have amazing cheek bones or a killer walk doesn't mean that I'm not a little awesome in my own way.


I guess I just wanted to let people know that, although you may feel ugly or alone or lost, you are still you. You shouldn't have to conform to someone else's idea of beauty. Embrace your quirks because, as they say, beauty fades. And, honestly, would you rather talk to someone about what kind of mascara makes your eyes pop or someone who actually has something interesting to say that isn't a stock answer pulled from a hat?

P.S. I know that everyone probably tells you the same thing over and over again but seriously, being yourself is a hell of a lot more interesting than being what everyone else wants you to be.

P.P.S - Serious post, I know. Just felt like letting everyone know that it's okay to be you. I'm putting my soap box away and getting back to my writing, I promise.


P.P.P.S. Have a freaking awesome day, each and every one of you!


P.P.P.P.S. My mum just read this and she smiled. I am happy.

My thoughts on the Royal Wedding...

No list today though I know that there are only two days left of BEdA. Instead, I am going to share my thoughts on the Royal Wedding that is happening today. Now, unless you have been living under the proverbial rock, you know what I am talking about. The Wedding of Prince William to Catherine Middleton.

Now, being from New Zealand, we still hold the royals in high esteem and I will be one of those avidly watching the broadcast tonight. This is, after all, the wedding of the century, so this is the wedding for our generation. And I freely admit that I am excited about this. I may not have been one of those girls who dreamed about being a princess when they were little, I was more plucky sidekick than leading character, but I have to admit that there is something about this wedding that has even the most cynical of people excited to see it.

Kate and William* seem perfectly matched. I may not be a strong believer in love other than a chemical reaction but I do like to see people happy. So far, that does seem to be the case with the royal couple. My thoughts on the matter, if you were interested, are that if you can find just one person who makes you happy and vice versa then that is great. Especially if you happen to be the second in line to the British throne.

They also give a strong front to the people and, both of them, have that way with people that make them seem real...if that makes sense. William has inherited all the good points from his parents and they both seem to bring out the best in each other. What more could you ask for in the person you are about to marry.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter what I think, say or believe because this is their day and, regardless of the pomp and ceremony, I truly wish them the best for their lives together, however long it may be. It is the same for any couple entering into marriage. It doesn't matter if I feel that it is a silly ceremony because it is their ceremony and they deserve the happiness that, hopefully, goes their way.



In finishing, I wish the Royal Couple the very best. May their future together bring all the joy and happiness that they truly deserve.

Enough of this sappiness - semi-normal broadcasts shall resume tomorrow. Until then...

*I leave out the title because I am feeling lazy not out of disrespect. In case you were wondering.

My literary heroes...Day 2 BEdA

It has been well established how much I enjoy reading but I thought I would talk about those characters that have truly resonated with me throughout my life. The problem with this idea is that there are so many characters that have inspired me that I will have to limit myself to the top five that really stand out to me.

Jo March (Little Women - Louisa May Alcott)
Although I was more like Beth I always loved Jo. She was feisty, strong willed and the first 'tomboy' character that I read about. I was also glad that she didn't end up with Laurie. They were too much alike and would have indulged each others bad points more than their good qualities. The Professor was a better match. Anyway, Jo was a writer, a day dreamer and far too head strong for her own good. (Which kind of sounds like me now...) She faced adversity and was prone to jealously. In my mind she was a well rounded character with faults that I could easily identify with.

Ender Wiggin (Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card)
Ender was somewhat of an inspiration to me. He made it okay for kids to be intelligent. I know that this sounds rather strange but here was a young boy who is forced into a situation that he really doesn't want to be in and he makes the most of it. He had to grow up very quickly in a 'war time' scenario and, even though he doesn't sound like a kid he still has vulnerabilities that make him human. He appeared to be quick to adapt to situations but he was just a child. I could go on and on but I really cannot do him justice in trying to explain why he is a hero of mine.

Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins)
I just finished re-reading this series and, once again, found myself admiring this character. Similar to Ender, Katniss is a young girl who is thrown into a dangerous game where her life is at stake. What makes her stand out is a similar theme for me. She has doubts, she is not perfect. Occasionally she can be selfish or jealous or angry. She feels emotions and isn't perfect, which makes her real. Plus, like Jo March, she is fiercely independent and relies on herself to survive a lot of the time.

Matilda (Matilda - Roald Dahl)
There are so many great characters that Dahl created and it is hard for me to narrow them down so I pretty  much just chose the first one that popped into my mind. She is somewhat appropriate for this list as she is a reader, intelligent and, once again, plopped into an unfair situation from which she lets her true spirit shine through. Plus, she is funny. Because of how she was raised by her parents (and I use the term parents loosely) she develops an unique set of morals and ethics.

Shadow (American Gods - Neil Gaiman)
I have the feeling that Shadow is an odd addition to this list. He is the only 'adult' character in the list but there was something about the way he held himself and his entire journey that just seemed to stand out in my mind. He has attributes that I wished I had; namely the ability to stay quiet when needed. I have never been accused of being laconic although I wish I had. He appears to take everything in stride, which is something I wish I could do as well. Shadow is also a very complex character in my mind. He is difficult to describe and somewhat difficult to understand but he is a great character as well.

Now, this is a very short list and as I have been writing it I have a dozens of other characters demanding my attention in my head. It is amazing how writing about this great characters reminds me of many books that I haven't thought of in a long time.

I hope you have enjoyed this short list. (Maybe lists of five may be my theme...who knows.)

Peace and pancakes to everyone.

Holding out for a hero...?

When I was but a wee slip of a girl I had many role models, people who I looked up too in a near obsessive way. My mum can tell you stories and, this may or may not surprise you, many of these people were not celebrities. I recall doing a project on Marie Curie when I was in primary school and on Mary Anning. Dr Jack Horner was another such role model. (Further proof of my impending geekiness...) Sure, there were some singers/songwriters who were my inspirations but when I became a bit older it was writers such as Tamora Pierce and Stephen King.

Even now I still find people that I admire - Neil Gaiman, John Green and his brother Hank (who is awesome, btw!) I also admire strong characters from my favourite books and shows. KayLee from Firefly. Angela, Hodgins and Temperance from Bones. Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games. These are just a few.

Anyway, I do not like many of the so called 'role models' that people have these days. In my mind a role model is someone who you aspire to and you hope that your actions echo their choices and decisions.The end result is that, in having a role model, you can make yourself a better person. With that being said, I find it more than a little alarming that there are so many bad role models out there. This is not just a jab at those in the celebrity world because, although many may complain about being a role model, they have put themselves out there. Though I can't see what kind of role models that Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton are and I'm not going to apologise for not seeing them as positive role models.

Now, before you think I'm just standing on my soap box doing my little rant I would like to point out that what I think may not be what you think or believe. What I feel strongly about, however, is that we do need more positive role models in our lives who are complex and not just some airbrushed ideal that is plastered on a poster. How can we expect our children to grow up idolising such things as Bratz Dolls or other gender stereotyping figures be they male or female.

I am not saying that celebrities are all bad role models as there are some very positive role models in the acting world and this goes for authors as well but I'm going to leave that alone.

After all this rambling, my main point for this blog came about when I was trying to focus on a new character for a novel that I am currently working on while waiting to send my draft off to the publishers to see if there are any bites. I was writing about this female character and I suddenly found myself obsessing over how I portrayed her as I wanted her to be someone that readers would admire but I didn't want her to be perfect, basically, I didn't want to create a Mary Sue. This lead me to thinking what my favourite authors would do and how they create such vivid characters that I admire. They have flaws, like real people, and they have emotions, like real people...I hope you get where I am going with this because there is so much that I would like to say about the idea of role models but I don't want to end up making this into some self righteous blog where everything I say is set in concrete.

To finish up I would like to say that having role models is an important thing but choosing the right role model will always be up to you. For all my writing I cannot make you like my favourite role models and I wouldn't want you to like something just because I like it. What I would hope is that you find someone you admire and use them as a guide - and, just because I don't particularly like someone doesn't mean that you should stop liking them.

Anyway,I'd love to know who you admire? Or what kind of character traits you think are good, bad or ugly?

Peace and pancakes all...

P.S. I promise to get this blog proper sorted out as soon as I know what I'm really doing...I apologise for it being a little wonky...